London Pizza Round-Up – Vol 11

Genuine Liquorette

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As someone who has given up booze this year, my finger has somewhat slipped off the pulse of what is going on in the extremely competitive world of London drinking dens. One that has come to my attention is Genuine Liquorette, which originally hails from New York. It opened towards the end of summer this year, and has quietly been doing it’s thing ever since. So far, not all that interesting to me to be honest – when you stop drinking, cocktail bar openings aren’t very high on the priority list! But then I discovered that they are knocking out pizza, and a friend told me it was worth checking out. Well, it would be remiss for me not to at least give it a whirl…

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I popped by, and being fair, it’s a really, really great looking place, especially upstairs. I did get a pang of “I bet this would be an amazing place to get plastered in” go through my head, but thankfully they had a sufficiently interesting selection of soft drinks to keep that thought at bay!

Upstairs, they’ve put the vast majority of drinks in cabinets around the walls, meaning that patrons can casually browse them as they drink, rather than peering over the bar past the bar staff, which can sometimes make things a bit intimidating or pressured for some – the whole concept is built around blurring the lines between bar and home drinking. And as part of this casual approach to things, they have half a dozen cocktails on tap (available as take-aways, and even on Deliveroo apparently!), and a selection that are based around piercing a can of a soft drink, pouring a bit out and topping up with a flavouring and a mini-bottle tipped upside down in the top – they call these “cha-chunkers”, presumably after the sound the mad massive drill thing they use to pierce each can makes.


The “Island of Misfits” section had me experiencing flashbacks to my teen years… The previous incarnation of me would have loved all this – I made do with a mocktail (which I have to say was excellent, just based on me saying “something zesty and citrussy”) and some kombucha.

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But I’m waffling about something I wasn’t there to experience… this is about the pizza. We ordered 3. The Vegan (seemed appropriate given my recent reviews on here), and two with meat (the Hot & Bothered, & The Veal Deal).

They came out pretty promptly, and immediately I was taken aback, as these look like no pizza I have ever had before.

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The crusts are folded into 5 star points, and sliced along those lines to give 5 slices per pizza. It’s visually very striking, that’s for sure. My big fear was that the visual novelty was there to mask a deficient pizza, and also that it might mean a LOT of crust. I don’t mind crusts, so long as they are tasty, but there’s a limit!

Thankfully, the fillings go into the 5 points of these pizzas, meaning that each slice has a handle to grab on to, and once you’ve eaten the more conventional end of the slice, you are left with a kind of “hot-pocket” mini calzone thing. I do think they are missing a trick by not having a few dips available for these end bits, and when I mentioned that, it seems that’s something they are talking about.

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The base itself is a very decent sourdough – springy, light, bubbly, tasty. I’ve had a fair few pizzas recently where I was disappointed by the base – it’s such a fundamental part of a pizza that it’s strange to me that some just see it as an empty vessel to put some toppings on.

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The Veal Deal

I’ve become something of a white pizza convert this year (I almost always order white pizza when I can now), so it was a surprise to me that I didn’t fall head-over-heels for the veal pizza. It was good, don’t get me wrong – but it didn’t quite hit the heights I’d hoped. The balance, and amount, of toppings was very good, the broccoli done just right. Very, very cheesy, which can only be a good thing. I don’t know quite why I didn’t go loopy for this one, but something didn’t click to take it from good to great – still a damn fine pizza.

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The Vegan

The Vegan was a very interesting one. The vegan mozzarella, apparently made from soy, did a decent impression of melted cheese, although still wasn’t something I’d say compares in flavour or texture, and as the pizza cooled it did become a bit “claggy” and cloying compared to how real mozzarella behaves as it cools down. But one of the better efforts I’ve seen for sure.

The sweet potatoes were great, almost melted in the mouth, done thoroughly so as to not add any unpleasant hardness to the bite when chomping through a slice. There was maybe a touch more spinach on there then I would have liked, but I was able to take that off if I wanted, and the pine nuts were a lovely touch. The balance of flavours was excellent, with the red onions giving a touch of acidity to offset the sweetness elsewhere. Really a very good pizza – I actually think I preferred this to the Purezza one I had the other week, and that has won awards, so they’re doing something right here.

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Hot & Bothered

And finally, the star of the stars. This one was banging. I’d only had honey on a pizza before, the winning effort at this year’s London Pizza Festival. I’d actually found that a little overwhelming in the mouth-feel department, whereas this seemed to be done a bit more sparingly, so you just got the occasional hit of sweetness in between the spicy salami and jalapeno chillis and chilli flakes. The heat isn’t overpowering for anyone that likes it spicy, and the salami is obviously good quality stuff.

I was also pleasantly surprised to see the Bo Derek-themed wallpaper of the gents when nature called. All very in keeping with a distinctly retro, 80s kitsch aesthetic that pops up throughout the venue.

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All in all, this was a very good meal – generously topped, tasty pizzas. What’s not to like there? I do think that the design of these still means you are left with a pretty doughy handful at the end, hence why dips would make a lot of sense, to maximise enjoyment of this style. But I will definitely be back (in fact I popped in yesterday to meet a visiting friend, and we shared a Hot & Bothered!), and for the booze-hounds amongst you, this looks like a fun place to get drunk and eat some jolly good pizza.

The Veal Deal 7/10
The Vegan 8/10
Hot & Bothered 9/10

Final Score – 8/10

Snack Attack, Vol 4

Cheetos – Twisted, Flamin’ Hot flavour 


I was a latecomer to the Cheetos party. To be honest, I’m not sure they were even on sale in the UK when I was a wee little lad. We had Wotsits, which I’ve never been much a fan of, much like I’d never much cared for cheese Quavers.

However, Tesco’s recent experimentation with importing novelty American junk food introduced me to a salty snack that blew my tiny mind; Cheetos Crunchy Cheddar Jalapeño. I’ll review those another time.

So when I saw these for 39p (over a pound cheaper than CCCJ’s cost at Tesco), I had to investigate further.

Well, one thing is fo sure. Do not, repeat NOT, attempt to eat these without a glass of water to hand. Not because they are so spicy, although they do pack a relatively satisfactory punch for a mainstream snack. No. It’s because they form some sort of Cheeto-flavoured polyfiller amongst your teeth and gums, which no amount of internal mouth-wrangling will dislodge.

The individual Cheetos basically dissolve into the weird powder/paste they are presumably made from, making for a truly claggy experience. Maybe some people like this. I do not.

The flavour, mercifully, is reasonably pleasant, a gentle hit of chilli and a vague undertone of cheesiness, but overall I have no choice but to award a mediocre score, as I do not enjoy my mouth being turned into some sort of human concrete mixer.

4/10

A London Food Legend – The Ribman

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I don’t really remember where I first heard about The Ribman, aka Mark Gervaux. I imagine it must have been not long after moving to London in 2011, as I remember making the trip from my flat in Camberwell to his stall at Brick Lane’s Sunday market. Whenever it was, and however I came to hear about him, I’m glad I did.

What I didn’t know at that time were the layers to his craft. As far as I was concerned, I was off to go and get some really tasty meat, eat it, and that was basically it. That’s how it is with most places. And let’s get one thing clear – the meat he makes is fantastic. I don’t know if it’s a phenomenon that has a name, but when I eat a really good meat dish, there’s this tingly mouth sensation I get, this explosion of the senses, it goes far beyond just tasting nice, it seems to emanate from the very roots of my teeth, from my cheeks, the roof of my mouth, saliva glands going into overdrive. This is a party with no door policy, everyone in that gob is invited, and they all want to get down. This is the sensation I get from The Ribman’s rib meat.

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The Ribman’s Rib Roll

The main thing he serves is pretty straightforward – a rib roll. A big white bun stuffed full of pork rib meat, pulled from the bones and smothered in whatever sauce you prefer – either BBQ, or his own Holy Fuck sauce. More on the hot sauces later… It’s unfussy, unpretentious, and pretty much impossible to eat as a sandwich! I could try to describe how he makes his rib meat, but all I’d be doing is paraphrasing this video, so here you go. The standard goes for £6, or if you want to go all-in, you can get an absolute monster for £10.

Those of you who watched the video will have seen him making his hot sauces. I’ve said enough about the rib-roll, and these sauces deserve their own time. His signature sauce (the brilliantly name Holy Fuck) is just a magnificent example of how to do it. For starters, it is devilishly hot. Those who are not acclimatised to properly spicy condiments will struggle to get past this heat. Those who are, they are in for a treat. Holy Fuck is one of the best hot sauces I’ve ever had the pleasure of sampling, a wonderfully fruity complexity that you have to treat with the respect naga jolokia and scotch bonnet chillies deserve. Go over the top and you will be coughing and spluttering, get it right and you have an evolving experience in your mouth that takes you through to a warming, satisfying finish that stays with you long after you’ve finished eating, waves of chilli hitting you as your mouth discovers little pockets of chilli that have hidden away!

As well as this signature (which he once did as a frankly sensational bacon Holy Fuck, apparently sadly never to be repeated), he also makes the even hotter, and even more brilliantly named Christ on a Bike and Holy Mother of God, as well as an excellent Japanese influenced variant, Fuck Yuzu (which I think is probably my overall favourite). Christ on a Bike has 3 times the naga chillies as Holy Fuck, and Holy Mother of God is hotter still, so be warned – they will blow your head off! Many of London’s burger joints have taken notice – Ribman specials have been spotted in the wild at numerous outlets, either featuring his sauces or meat. The Honest Burger Ribman Special was fantastic in particular, but in truth there are few dishes that aren’t improved with a dash of Holy Fuck – it utterly transformed a Chicken Parma Burger at MeatMission, and I’d love to see someone do something with Mac & Cheese and his sauces… Maybe deep fried balls of Mac & Cheese with a blob of Holy Fuck in the middle? Come on people, lets make this happen!

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The now traditional stocking-up-before-heading-to-see-my-family-oop-north order

Less celebrated than his sauces are his rib rubs. I’ve never actually used these for the prescribed purpose, although I hope to give it a whirl this summer. However, I have found a handful of uses for them, and tbh I could happily use it as a substitute for salt & pepper. A personal favourite is to cut sweet potato into wedges, lightly oil them, sprinkle liberally with the Holy Fuck rib rub, and then roast. They are fantastic served hot, even better when reheated a day or two later as they take on an extra crunch, and work brilliantly cold in salads and packed lunches. I also almost always chuck a nice big pinch in with a bowl of mixed nuts and seeds for giving a healthy snack some fire! I’ve not tried the standard rub, just the Holy Fuck one – I find the rubs a gentler heat than the sauces, with some more sweetness in there. The chilli seems to glow from your tongue, and isn’t as prone to hitting the back of your throat with a sledgehammer if you overdo it!

Speaking of hammers, as you might have noticed from the logo, Gervaux is a committed West Ham fan, and seems to be loving life in the Bilic/Payet era! He can be found knocking out his rib rolls at The Boleyn Tavern on match days, although I assume he’ll be heading elsewhere with the move to the Olympic Stadium that is on the way next season. He’s also a very engaging and entertaining Twitter user, and commendably forthright about the liberties some street market companies take with their traders – it’s good to have someone as prominent and respected as him holding the less fair operators to account given the explosion in popularity of street markets across London in recent years.

As you can tell, I’m a big fan, and I’m happy to offer my whole-hearted recommendation for what The Ribman is selling!

Gevaux